​It may come as no surprise to hear that I am a kitty who loves the luxurious life, I sleep only on the cleanest and finest of bed sheets, eat only freshly opened cans of tuna and scratch only the thickest and most voluminous of carpets. I have always enjoyed the indoors lifestyle, safe from the weather, predators, loud noises and racing car tyres. That’s how it is for us in the elite of society, a life of secluded peace and harmony. After all, what am I going to go outside for? A job?  Hahaha, that’s what stupid, hoo-mon minions are for.   
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However, a few months ago all that changed. The female hoo-mon had been out basking in the sun in the garden and left the back door open. Always cautious of the outside world, the warmth was so inviting, the bees so buzzy and begging to be chased, and the smells so intriguing that I let curiosity get the better of me. I stepped. Out. Side.
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The ground was harder than I was used to, and much cooler, at least in the shade. Skilfully skulking around the paved area I had a good look around before slyly tiptoeing to the underneath of a bush. The aromas were so alien, I must have spent a good 45 minutes sniffing my way around it. Then a bird caught my eye and I chased after it. I would have caught it too if that stupid fence hadn’t been in my way. Urgh, why do the big uglies insist on leaving their things lying around in my way?! ​
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Creeping around the perimeter of the garden, I eventually discovered a hole leading out beyond the known world. I have declared it The Uglies Failure That Mia Sniffed and expect all future generations to call it so in honour of my greatness in having found it. I will allow it to be called TUFTMS for short.

Wanting to get my paws on that bird, I squeezed through the opening, (or TUFTMS to refer to it by its proper name) and found myself on the other side of the world, a strange place that looks a lot like our world except that everything is somehow neater and more attended to (I must try to shout at the male hoo-mon into taking better care of our garden). The lush, green, evenly mowed lawn was a site of pure majesty and grace, demanding of attention and awe. I’ve never pooped outside, but I kid you not, that was a lawn worthy of pooping on. Sadly, I didn’t need to go, so I explored some rose bushes instead.

I could hear the annoying hoo-mons calling my name from the other side of the fence, but instead of letting them know I was there I just sat pretty and stared at a brown leaf. Urgh, they didn’t give up easily. Just what was their problem? Why were they calling my name? Honestly, the behaviour I have to put up with. Anyway, after half an hour or so, I heard the female one say she was going off to look for me by walking all the way around to the other side of the estate at the back of their house. Idiot, why would she do that when I was quite happy to sit there ogling a leaf?

Anyway, a few minutes after she had left the male one called my name and opened a tin of tuna, so I bid the leaf farewell and re-entered the TUFTMS back to the real world, where I am ruler of all within my field of vision. After such an exciting, adventurous day it was a welcome meal. As usual I licked my lips then made myself a nice comfy spot to sleep in on one of the beds upstairs. About an hour later the female returned from her street walking looking rather upset, but then seemed surprised and joyous at seeing me napping in the bedroom. Showering me with hugs (I hate it when they do that, one of the sacrifices of being an object of worship, I suppose) she then inexplicably lost her temper and started yelling.
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