The Refined Cowboy - Writer For Hire
  • Content Services
  • Portfolio
  • About
  • Contact
  • Podcasts
  • Blog
    • Fashion & Shopping >
      • Top 5 Basic Style Tips For Men
      • Joe Browns Costello Blazer Review
      • Remote Control Dad Dancing Shoes
      • Birthday 2016: An Understated Celebration
      • The Closure of Pylones Leeds
    • Film, TV & Radio >
      • Just a Minute
      • Game of Thrones Castle Heating
      • Transformers Damage Cost
      • The Future According To Film
      • Poor Eyesight Pictures
    • Food, Drink & Dining >
      • The Potting Shed Guiseley
      • Are You A Morning Coffee Addict
    • Health, Beauty & Wellbeing >
      • How Remote Working Moms Can Relieve Stress and Stay Healthy
      • Redefining Masculinity
      • 5 Quotes That Keep Me Going On A Daily Basis
    • History, Science & Technology >
      • Top 10 Facts On Mobile Phones
      • Superhero App Force
      • Trumps Golfing Days
      • 5 Quotes From Historic Figures That Changed My Life
      • 10 Facts Learned from Psychological Documents and Studies
    • Literature >
      • What happened to Yeoman Janice Rand
      • Ye Olde Star Wars Trilogy
    • Miscellaneous Articles >
      • Cost of Living in the UK
    • Music >
      • Shakespears Sister Stay
      • Pet Shop Boys The Pop Kids
      • T'Pau Monkey House
      • Pulp Disco 2000
      • Michael Boddicker Buckaroo Banzai End Theme
    • Travel >
      • Kettlewell Scarecrow Festival
      • Courteous Drivers
    • Writing & Marketing >
      • The Workplace Email Structure
      • Tips for Building a Cohesive Remote Freelance Team
    • News Articles Archive >
      • My Afghanistan
      • Lockerbie Bombing
      • Haunted Mansion Plas Teg
      • Smoking Ban
      • Speeding Fines
      • Comic Relief Special
      • Recycling Scheme Interview
    • Lady Pussington's Journal

The Journal of

​LADY MIA PUSSINGTON

Mia The Explorer: Back Garden, The Final Frontier

28/6/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
At Home, Where It Is Nice And Cozy
Picture
The outside seems like such a brutal, horrid place. And yet...
Picture
An Open Door = Opportunity
Picture
One Small Step For Mia: The Back Garden
Picture
TUFTMS (The Uglies Failure That Mia Sniffed)
Picture
Being rudely awakened by the female hoo-mon
​It may come as no surprise to hear that I am a kitty who loves the luxurious life, I sleep only on the cleanest and finest of bed sheets, eat only freshly opened cans of tuna and scratch only the thickest and most voluminous of carpets. I have always enjoyed the indoors lifestyle, safe from the weather, predators, loud noises and racing car tyres. That’s how it is for us in the elite of society, a life of secluded peace and harmony. After all, what am I going to go outside for? A job?  Hahaha, that’s what stupid, hoo-mon minions are for.   
​
However, a few months ago all that changed. The female hoo-mon had been out basking in the sun in the garden and left the back door open. Always cautious of the outside world, the warmth was so inviting, the bees so buzzy and begging to be chased, and the smells so intriguing that I let curiosity get the better of me. I stepped. Out. Side.

​
The ground was harder than I was used to, and much cooler, at least in the shade. Skilfully skulking around the paved area I had a good look around before slyly tiptoeing to the underneath of a bush. The aromas were so alien, I must have spent a good 45 minutes sniffing my way around it. Then a bird caught my eye and I chased after it. I would have caught it too if that stupid fence hadn’t been in my way. Urgh, why do the big uglies insist on leaving their things lying around in my way?! ​
​
Creeping around the perimeter of the garden, I eventually discovered a hole leading out beyond the known world. I have declared it The Uglies Failure That Mia Sniffed and expect all future generations to call it so in honour of my greatness in having found it. I will allow it to be called TUFTMS for short.

Wanting to get my paws on that bird, I squeezed through the opening, (or TUFTMS to refer to it by its proper name) and found myself on the other side of the world, a strange place that looks a lot like our world except that everything is somehow neater and more attended to (I must try to shout at the male hoo-mon into taking better care of our garden). The lush, green, evenly mowed lawn was a site of pure majesty and grace, demanding of attention and awe. I’ve never pooped outside, but I kid you not, that was a lawn worthy of pooping on. Sadly, I didn’t need to go, so I explored some rose bushes instead.

I could hear the annoying hoo-mons calling my name from the other side of the fence, but instead of letting them know I was there I just sat pretty and stared at a brown leaf. Urgh, they didn’t give up easily. Just what was their problem? Why were they calling my name? Honestly, the behaviour I have to put up with. Anyway, after half an hour or so, I heard the female one say she was going off to look for me by walking all the way around to the other side of the estate at the back of their house. Idiot, why would she do that when I was quite happy to sit there ogling a leaf?

Anyway, a few minutes after she had left the male one called my name and opened a tin of tuna, so I bid the leaf farewell and re-entered the TUFTMS back to the real world, where I am ruler of all within my field of vision. After such an exciting, adventurous day it was a welcome meal. As usual I licked my lips then made myself a nice comfy spot to sleep in on one of the beds upstairs. About an hour later the female returned from her street walking looking rather upset, but then seemed surprised and joyous at seeing me napping in the bedroom. Showering me with hugs (I hate it when they do that, one of the sacrifices of being an object of worship, I suppose) she then inexplicably lost her temper and started yelling.
​
These hoo-mons are such strange, temperamental oiks. I can’t wait to go outside again. Unfortunately, getting these idiots I live with to understand the simple command ‘open the door’ is much harder than you’d think.  
​
Curiosity did not kill me. I ventured beyond the known world and survived. It is quite possible that what I have suspected for some time may in fact be true – I, am a God. ​

​Until next time worshippers.
Love, 
Mia x
0 Comments

The Journal of Lady Mia Pussington: I Have Arrived!

9/6/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I arrived at my new home via Amazon 1 Day Delivery. Just kidding, this is a recent photo - I LOVE boxes
​I arrived just over a year ago. Back then I was the very definition of a Scaredy Cat, so timid I wouldn’t say meow to a toy duck. In fact, I spent the first month at my new home hidden behind a cupboard. It used to take the hoo-mons a good 15 – 30 minutes to coax me out for some food. I didn’t know them then, I preferred to skulk out at night and eat while everyone was in bed. They got me a brand new basket to sleep in, but I was having none of it – nothing could be better than the security of being uncomfortably stuffed into a narrow space, where casually passing predators would be unlikely to see me.
​
I can still remember the first time the male one spent nearly an hour awkwardly sat on the floor coaxing me out of my hidey-hole, his voice becoming ever so softer with each inch I slowly got closer until I was adorably rolling around on the floor as he tickled me and fed me treats. Apparently his back was aching for a whole week after that, but I over-heard him say it was worth it. I felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t help but continue my shy little routine every night, it’s just the coy lil’ cutsie I am. 
​
Picture
Picture

​Then, one day, a great big tower appeared. Although cautious of it at first, I quickly made it my new abode – I’m in the penthouse now darling, six levels of joy! Moving into my own little mansion changed me, it showed me the diva I was always born to be. Not long after, I slowly came to realise that the hoo-mons were actually my servants – and to think, I had been treating them as equals! How embarrassing.

I have since programmed them relatively well, making them firmly aware of when I need stroking and tickling, however getting them to dish out the tuna on command still seems to need more work. Although they have finally learned I want it every day, no matter how much I shout at them I still can’t seem to make them get it for me whenever I want. Stupid hoo-mons, maybe they only know how to use a tin opener after 5 o’clock? If I could, I would definitely get them replaced, but not before having them whipped and shredded into a thousand slices of Idiot steaks. Ahhh no, I’m just kidding.

Mostly.
 
Until next time worshippers.
Love, 
Mia x
0 Comments

    Author

    My name is Lady Mia Pussington and this is my journal. Here you will read the chronicle of my rise and rise as a diva, from humble beginnings as a scaredy-cat to supreme ruler of the known universe, which as far as I can tell does not extend much further beyond our back garden. 

    Archives

    June 2016

    Categories

    All
    The Journal Of Lady Mia Pussington

    RSS Feed

Picture

​​​Content Services
         
Portfolio         
About          
Contact         
Podcasts         
Blog

​www.TheRefinedCowboy.com
 ​​
TheRefinedCowboy@gmail.com
  • Content Services
  • Portfolio
  • About
  • Contact
  • Podcasts
  • Blog
    • Fashion & Shopping >
      • Top 5 Basic Style Tips For Men
      • Joe Browns Costello Blazer Review
      • Remote Control Dad Dancing Shoes
      • Birthday 2016: An Understated Celebration
      • The Closure of Pylones Leeds
    • Film, TV & Radio >
      • Just a Minute
      • Game of Thrones Castle Heating
      • Transformers Damage Cost
      • The Future According To Film
      • Poor Eyesight Pictures
    • Food, Drink & Dining >
      • The Potting Shed Guiseley
      • Are You A Morning Coffee Addict
    • Health, Beauty & Wellbeing >
      • How Remote Working Moms Can Relieve Stress and Stay Healthy
      • Redefining Masculinity
      • 5 Quotes That Keep Me Going On A Daily Basis
    • History, Science & Technology >
      • Top 10 Facts On Mobile Phones
      • Superhero App Force
      • Trumps Golfing Days
      • 5 Quotes From Historic Figures That Changed My Life
      • 10 Facts Learned from Psychological Documents and Studies
    • Literature >
      • What happened to Yeoman Janice Rand
      • Ye Olde Star Wars Trilogy
    • Miscellaneous Articles >
      • Cost of Living in the UK
    • Music >
      • Shakespears Sister Stay
      • Pet Shop Boys The Pop Kids
      • T'Pau Monkey House
      • Pulp Disco 2000
      • Michael Boddicker Buckaroo Banzai End Theme
    • Travel >
      • Kettlewell Scarecrow Festival
      • Courteous Drivers
    • Writing & Marketing >
      • The Workplace Email Structure
      • Tips for Building a Cohesive Remote Freelance Team
    • News Articles Archive >
      • My Afghanistan
      • Lockerbie Bombing
      • Haunted Mansion Plas Teg
      • Smoking Ban
      • Speeding Fines
      • Comic Relief Special
      • Recycling Scheme Interview
    • Lady Pussington's Journal